Mistressofthedevil's Journals

Safe World

I stopped and looked over my shoulder
Something was missing
My heart started pounding faster
My breath take was getting harder
A feeling of ice running down my neck
Emptiness filling my entire body
My heart dissapeared

STOP..!

Feeling your hand in mine
My world is safe once again

The Curse Of Being A Scarecrow

The sky is getting dark

The air is getting colder

From my spot on the dock I can see the dark clouds getting closer

The wind is playing with the water

Seaweed is floating around on top of the waves

The old carnival on the harbour seems magical

I love the way the scarecrows keeps returning to the old Ferris Wheel

Itâ�™s as they are cursed to always coming back

The carnival is mysterious

Like someoneâ�™s dead in there

Like Love itself has been brutally murdered in there

I like the smell of blood thereâ�™s always hanging in the air

And I love to walk around the swings and the rollercoaster in the night

With the moon and the stars as the only light

The smell of blood and murder is tickling in my nostrils

The freezing air is cutting itâ�™s way through my white dress

Wind is playing with my hair

And as I sit down in the Ferris Wheel cart it hits me

I will always return to this exact spot

I am a Scarecrow

Sleepwalking

Everything is silent

Everything is dark

The moonlight hits my face as a fist in a boxing-match

I can feel the wet grass between my toes

The fog is close this night

My nightdress is already sticking to my body

My pale skin makes me look like a ghost in the night

I feel drawn towards the sound of a barking dog

Dogs means humans

My walk is getting faster

Almost a running

I can almost feel it already

I can smell it now

Itâ�™s a male

He must be around the corner now

There he is, with his dog

Heâ�™s handsome, pale skin and black hair

Heâ�™s getting closer

Iâ�™m getting ready

I can feel the water running from my teeth

I jump

A scream, as my teeth cuts their way through his flesh

And the sweet taste of blood fills my mouth

The Keeper Of My Soul

His beautiful hands touches his neck

His beautiful neck

Around his beautiful neck is a chain

A necklace

Silver and vulnerable

From the necklace hangs a vial

A small vial of glass

The vial is a key

It contains a red, dark liquid

It contains my blood

It means that I belong to him

He owns me

With his black hair and hazel eyes

His beautiful hands and his beautiful neck

The vial with my blood, that follows him everywhere he goes

He is.........

The Keeper of My Soul

For eternity

He's Really Dead

Darkness is closing around me

Getting closer

Like Reality

The darkness is The Reality

The Pain is growing with my breath

Open my mouth to scream

The sound is only in my head

A tear on my cheek

Burning in my flesh

Closes my eyes, to past into a dream

Reality hits

A slap in the face

A pain worse than anything

He is really gone

Maybe

I donâ�™t know if I believe in God anymore

Or maybe I do, I just donâ�™t love God anymore

Or maybe itâ�™s just karma

Maybe Iâ�™ve been a really bad person

Maybe I truly deserve this

Maybe this means that later my life will be happy

Or maybe Iâ�™m not supposed to be happy at all

Maybe God hates me

Maybe God needs someone to let Godâ�™s anger out on

But in the end it really doesnâ�™t matter

The answer could never take my pain away

What Kills Me The Most

I want so bad to let you know how I feel

Every day I look at your hazel eyes

I think about you with my every breath

I want you to hold me and say that itâ�™s gonna be okay

I want to feel your hand in mine

I am constantly missing you

And every time my heart pounds

The pain in my existence grows stronger

I want so bad to let you know how I feel

But maybe that will never happen

Iâ�™m not even sure where you are right now

Probably in the other end of the world

Iâ�™m not even sure if youâ�™ve got someone

Iâ�™m not even sure if youâ�™re straight

But this part is the one that is truly killing me

You donâ�™t even know that I exist

Iâ�™m not even sure if youâ�™re going to

Maybe you never will

Then you will never know how I feel

Thatâ�™s what kills me the most

Caused By You

The razor in my hand

The blood on the floor

The slit in my wrist

The pain is so certain

But the pain is not coming from the razor

The pain is not coming from the blood on the floor

The pain is not coming from my wrist

The pain is coming from my heart

The pain is coming from my soul

The pain is coming from my mind

Itâ�™s caused by my thought

Itâ�™s unbearable

Itâ�™s because of you

The Escape

I have just put down the razor

Now Iâ�™m looking at my wrist

Looking at the open wound

The slit I did myself

Iâ�™m feeling my arm pounding

I can see my wrist becoming red and swollen at the exact spot

I can see the blood in the thin opening at my wrist

I can feel the pain in my heart

The pain in my soul

Getting released

Following the blood, down to my wrist

But only for a few seconds

And then itâ�™s back

Back in my heart

Back in my soul

Cause it will never escape for good

But those few seconds

The seconds with burning pain in my wrist

The seconds with blood seeming unstoppable

The seconds with fear of getting caught

Those seconds are all worth it

These are seconds that my heart and soul feels free

These are seconds that my heart and soul feels light

The seconds that the pain canâ�™t be felt in my heart and my soul

But when the seconds are over

The pain is back

And my emotional nightmare starts once again

Another World

Iâ�™m feeling squeezed from every angle

But Iâ�™m sitting in the middle of the city square

Iâ�™m feeling like Iâ�™m alone in the world

But thereâ�™s thousands of happy, shopping people around me

Iâ�™m feeling like I canâ�™t breath

But still the oxygen reaches my nostrils

My heart is pounding with triple speed

But Iâ�™m not moving

I canâ�™t hear anything

But people are talking, music is playing, birds are singing

No one hears me

But Iâ�™m screaming with all my voice

Iâ�™m feeling like I canâ�™t move

But no one is holding me back

Iâ�™m feeling paralyzed

But still my entire body is shaking

I need to talk to somebody

But when I call up somebody, I donâ�™t know what to say

I feel like running

But I canâ�™t move from the spot Iâ�™m sitting at

People are just passing by me

Bumping into me

Doesnâ�™t see my frustration

My fear

The would never get it

Iâ�™m trapped in another world

Iâ�™m trapped in the fist of sociophobia